Sometimes, when the sun shines at a certain angle and the
mist rises up with the morning wind, there is a knowing
that all things will right themselves. Try, try, try. That
can be a tiring theme of this life - Always putting effort
into what we're not even sure we ultimately want or need
to put effort into...but we do it. Day in and day out.
Punch the clock. Spin the wheel. Run the race. Find the
food pellet. Survive.
Trying is good. I can't remember how many times I've
tried something and failed. When I was in St. Catharines,
I knew I had to get out of the call centre I was working
at for the sake of my soul. I applied to countless writing
jobs. I worked a day as a freelancer for CTV. I met
personally with the head editor of the St. Catharines
Standard. I applied, applied and applied for more jobs
because this is where I was convinced I would end up
working. I applied to jobs all over the 401 corridor. I
sent in portfolios. I updated resumes. I called back call-
backs.
In the end, nothing really happened, there.
But I know now it was not supposed to - I am meant
to write that which irks me - that which drives me on
and inspires me so, in turn, I can inspire others. For
a while I considered going back to school for
Journalism, but that fell through, too. But I tried.
Sometimes, though, I've noticed that when I stop trying
so much, things tend to happen. Is there a mystical
force behind these post-try happenings? You bet your
ass there is (at least, I believe that to be true). I do
believe, though, that trying is a crucial part of the
process. Without trying, I would have lived a life of
expectancy and entitlement. But sometimes, when the
trying needs to stop, there is a sense of just existing
and letting the chips fall.
Today, as I walked to work, I felt like I could just
exist. I could be on the sidewalk, listening to Joel's
new album (disc 2) and admiring the sun and the
thawing animal feces everywhere. I could let my
jacket be unzipped.
Thanks.
